It Has Become Undeniably REAL

Telling the Family
Of course, I told my husband first. As soon as I hung up the phone with the doctor, I called him. A bit later, I thought to apologize for dropping it on him like that, in the middle of a work day. But I guess there is no "good" time for such news. He called a few times before coming home that day, with questions and reassurance for me. I knew he would be strong and supportive, just as he has been in the past. I'm so blessed and thankful for that.


I had a huge amount of anxiety over telling the rest of my family I have cancer, fearing it would be the worst part of the whole ordeal. First, they have been through so much with me in the past three years, supporting me all the way, and it felt very selfish to pile on a whole new issue. Second, my parents and siblings have their own struggles. Particularly my mom and dad, who have been knee-deep in my mother's cancer treatments for several years. I always appreciate their caring and concern, but it needs to be about them sometimes, too. 


Ultimately, I decided to tell my parents first. I sat on the couch that morning for about 90 minutes, giving myself a pep talk about remaining calm and upbeat. (In situations like this, isn't it so tempting to dissolve and cry like their little girl all over again?) Finally, I picked up the phone and dialed. After making small talk with Mom for a few minutes, I told her I had news and that it would be easier if Dad got on the phone at the same time. I took a deep breath and let it out: "I have breast cancer." Even though I did not have all the details of my diagnosis yet, we talked for quite a while, exchanging questions and answering them as well as possible. It's nice (but then again very not nice) that my mom has been through a similar experience, and clear that I would be able to learn things from her that the doctors might or might not tell me. All in all, they took it pretty well, expressing their complete support, although I have no way of knowing how much of a brave front they were putting on for ME.


I felt a little relieved at having gotten the first announcement out of the way, so I decided to immediately call one of my sisters. She was getting ready to leave work, and asked if I wanted her to call me when she got to her car. Instead of answering, I stammered a little and blurted out, "I have breast cancer." She couldn't talk for long, but had questions similar to my parents.' She wanted to know why I was so calm, and I told her I was floating somewhere between shock and denial. Later I realized that my meditations prior to calling my parents had probably hypnotized me into having no emotions. ;)  


(The other sister had just lost one of her in-laws, so I wanted to wait a few days to speak with her.)


My husband and I had originally discussed waiting to tell the kids, until after school was out. It would have been only a few weeks, but when I found out I'd have to start chemo right away I realized I would have to tell them now instead. I think they would have noticed and wondered why their mama was bald! 


First came telling my son, who is 14 and still at home. I told him my diagnosis, explained what would happen next, told him I am determined to recover, and that we can talk any time about questions or concerns he might have. I expected him to be emotional. Instead, his face was red for a minute or two and then he was fairly stoic. I mentioned this later to a nurse, and she said this type of response is not uncommon. She brought up a few good points. Teenage boys (a) are trying to establish their independence from their mother and (b) turn sheepish at the mention of the word "breast." In other words, when I think my son is sitting next to me thinking "oh, dear, my poor mother is enduring such suffering," what he's actually thinking is "she said breast, hehe."


Next up in operation "Share the News" were my two daughters. I dreaded telling them the most, because we're very close and they are sensitive. They attend college in Georgia, which made it that much harder -- I would have preferred to tell them in person. They both took it very hard, becoming upset and crying. I tried to be reassuring, but it was SO difficult. I felt their pain like it was my own, and just wanted to hug them and hold them close. We all pledged our undying love for one another, and vowed to talk every day and be a team. 


Wow, I adore my kids. They are so special and I often wonder why God chose me to have them. 


So, telling the family was rough. Telling friends and loved ones continues to be rough. But I have learned that people don't always react how you think they will, and that the prayers and positive energy people express have an almost-immediate effect on my strength. I hope everyone knows how grateful I am for that.